Disconnected from newborn baby?

I delivered my boy a month and half earlier than originally scheduled due to complications with blood pressure and diabetes. For weeks, he was in the hospital with cords and tubes all around her. During the pregnancy, I discovered that my boyfriend was cheating on me. I decided to discontinue the relationship so he keeps coming around "for the child". He always kept me in some kind of drama which may explain why my blood pressure spiked and poor eating habits. Not to mention the stress of working, bills, debts etc. The baby is now out of the hospital and we are not bonding at all. I spent the first few weeks of the birth in between hospitals and dealing with the betrayal. There has to be something wrong with me for not connecting with the child and it hurts me so much. Rather than deal with him, I leave the house and leave the child with family or friends just to go somewhere. On several occasions, I have slept and heard him crying but my body or brain wouldn't move. it is really scaring me because I want to be a good mother but I feel so at lost and would rather leave the child with a relative or friend and leave the house rather than to deal with my child. I don't know what's wrong with me. I wanted this baby the entire pregnancy.